20 Ways To Annoy Yagari
by increak96
Summary: Yagari has messed with Analesia's library for the last time! She is getting even, and she's making a notebook of the top twenty ways to annoy Toga Yagari! Of course, Zero has to get in on the fun, and Yagari isn't about to let this slide. AnalesiaxYagari!
1. Ding Dong Ditch His House

**A\N: Yay! Another Yagari and Analesia fic! :D Obviously, no artwork to go with it yet, but I will keep y'all updated! :)  
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**I don't own anything!  
**

**Written and Narrated by Analesia Wildfire**

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This form of annoyance is probably the simplest one, as we are starting mildly and working our way up. It won't have him spitting steam or screaming profanities, but it will confused and irritate him enough to set him up for the next step. For best results, perform multiple times in an hour.

* * *

Analesia ducked lower into the bushes and watched as Yagari made his way up the sidewalk and into the small, cozy cabin, a wicked grin on her face. She waited silently for the door to close and then counted to ten in her mind slowly.

Taking a deep breath, she got out of her crouched position and walked briskly up to the door. She raised her finger to the button and grinned, taking a moment to pre-savor victory, and then pressed it three or four times before running off of the porch and darting around the corner of the house.

"Hello?"

Analesia held her breath, waiting as a few seconds of silence passed.

"What the…? Crazy kids."

The door slammed and she waited a few more moments before running back up to the door and ringing it twice more, this time running to the other side of the house to hide. The door flew open faster this time, and Yagari actually stepped onto the porch—or so his footsteps said.

"Who the heck is there? And what is your problem?"

Analesia stifled a laugh, covering her mouth. _I'll have to thank Zero for that little tip he gave me! _

And by 'little tip' she meant his work hours, home address, relaxation time, and a map of all the best hiding places.

Pulling herself from her thoughts, she realized Yagari had gone back inside, and she quickly made her way back to her bush, grabbing her satchel and running to the back side of the house. Sitting down, she pulled out her book, opening to the place she had last stopped.

She read for a little while, glancing at her watch every few moments, and when ten minutes had passed, she put down her book and walked to the front porch, peeking in the window to see Yagari enjoying a cup of coffee and reading a book.

_Hmm, he never struck me as the type of man who read. _

Was it odd that she found this attractive? Ah, anyways. She continued up to the front porch and walked over to the door. She took a deep breath and rung the bell, whirling around and speeding to the back of the house.

"Hey!"

For a moment, Analesia panicked, thinking she had been caught.

"What the heck is going on?"

She sighed, wiping her forehead as she returned to her book. She sat down, catching her breath and reading for a few more moments.

Grinning to herself, she started back towards the front of the house, rubbing her hands together. When she was done with this list, he would never knock down an entire shelf of books again. Ever.

Running up to the door, she knocked loudly and rang the bell, running once again around the corner and waiting for the response. A few seconds passed and… nothing?

Analesia poked her head around the corner. "What…?" Shaking her head, she slowly moved towards the door, keeping an eye on the window, but not seeing him in his reading chair.

_Kitchen, maybe?_

Inching closer, she raised her hand to knock. She waited a few more seconds, thinking maybe he was just going to ignore it, and in that case, her fun was over and it was time to move on to the second phase.

Shaking her head, she clenched her fist and brought it down against the door.

"Aha!"

Analesia jumped three feet in the air as the door flew open, revealing a royally ticked Yagari standing there, cigarette crushed between his clenched teeth.

"Huh…?" He stopped, instantly relaxing and leaning against the doorframe. "Analesia?"

Analesia scowled, unhappy to have been found out. She wanted to wait until the end of the list to reveal herself!

"Yes?"

He stared for a moment, and then shook his head. "I'll bite. What the heck are you doing?"

"Who me? Uh…" She glanced to the right slightly, pausing for just a moment. "I'm stopping by to tell you the Headmaster is looking for you. He wanted me to let you know since I had to run errands in town."

"Oh… alright."

She turned innocent eyes to him. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no…" he shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Is that all you came by for?"

"Yup!" She glanced at her watch. "Well, it's almost time for class to start, so I better be in the library to hand out the new textbooks…" Letting her voice trail, she moved towards the edge of the porch.

"Uh… okay? I guess." Yagari scratched the back of his head and stepped inside, leaving Analesia to run to the back of the house and gather her belongings.

_Hmm… that didn't work as well as I'd hoped. He didn't seem annoyed, just slightly irritated. Very slightly. Time for step two!_

And with that delightful thought at the forefront of her mind, she ran towards the Academy, smiling happily to herself, stopping by his door to ring the bell one last time for good measure.

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**A\N: Please review~!**


	2. Send Him Flowers and Mess with His Notes

**A\N: So, in case you didn't notice, I changed the ending to the last chapter. Sorry if anyone liked the old ending better, but I do these for a friend, not myself, and if she requests a change, I do it! It's nothing major, and I honestly think it will make the whole story more fun.**

**Vampire Knight (c) Matsuri Hino  
Analesia Wildfire (c) Snowfox93  
**

**ENJOY!  
**

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Toga stepped into the classroom and nodded slightly to the vampires seated at their desks. Moving over to the desk, he opened the book to the correct page for the day, giving the class a fair warning.

"I haven't actually looked at the lesson until just now, so have fun figuring out what I'm saying."

Kaname polished his nails on the lapel of his jacket. "Don't you think you should be a little more responsible and actually do your job?"

Yagari opened his mouth to reply when his eyes landed on that day's lesson, and he froze. Slowly, his jaw lowered to his chest, and his eyebrows rose to heights he thought not possible.

Kaname frowned, having heard no remark and having had no bullet fly past his head. "Is something wrong, Sensei?"

Yagari swallowed hard, clearing his throats. "Did someone mess with my books? Because if this is really what we're supposed to be learning…" He let his voice trail off, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Kaname walked down the to the front of the classroom and looked over Yagari's shoulder, reading the page. His face paled, and he stiffened up, cheeks slightly tinted.

Aido, seeing his leader flustered, ran over to see what was so fantastic it could make a pureblood blush. It was then that he spied the front page of a Sex Education book. A devilish smirk twisted his lips as other students began to huddle around and see what the commotion was about.

"I can give a live demonstration!" He offered cheerfully, and Yagari's eye twitched. "Any volunteers?"

Yagari chuckled when a sharp smack rang throughout the class, and Kaname headed back toward his seat.

"I'll see you in my office later."

Aido paled and lowered his head, shoulders slumped.

A soft knock on the door interrupted, and Yagari sighed, putting down his book and walking over to the door. "Yes?" he asked, swinging it open.

There was silence.

"Sensei…?" Kaname asked tentatively, officially disturbed by the recent events.

Yagari leaned down and picked up the large vase of flowers, turning and walking back into the room. "Anybody order flowers?"

There were several head shakes and a few scattered 'no's. Yagari slammed his palm into his forehead and put the vase on the floor.

"Great. Okay… Back to the lesson."

A girl in the back raised her hand. "We're going through with it?"

Yagari's eyebrows shot up. "You got a better plan?"

There was another round of silence, and a few crickets chirped outside the window.

"Okay then." Yagari gave a sharp nod and scanned the page, getting a vague idea in his head before speaking. "Looks like the first thing we learn about is the male anatomy, so girls, prepare for an onslaught of inappropriate conversation from the boys around you."

Aido's hand shot up. "Can we—"

"NO!" Yagari whipped his riffle out and fired it past Aido's head, splintering the wood behind him and making him jump.

A few more knocks came from the classroom door, and Yagari hung his head.

"Oh, no…"

* * *

Several flowerpots, bouquets, cards, presents, and letters later, Yagari was just about ready to throw the book out the window and let the students go back to the dorms. Another knock at the door, and Yagari twitched, causing several of the vampires to duck under their desks.

Growling, he opened the door, finding a single rose with a note attached. He picked it up and walked back into the classroom, nearly tripping over a garden gnome—what kind of a gift _was _a garden gnome anyways?

"Another note?" Aido ran over to peek, and Kaname, Ichijo, and several other students huddled around.

_Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue._

_No one loves Yagsy,_

_As much as we do!_

"Yagsy?" Kaname asked, reading over his shoulder.

Yagari ripped up the paper and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, no more answering the door to receive creeper notes and flowers. Agreed?"

All the vamipres nodded rapidly, and Yagari closed the disturbing book and picked up another, pursing his lips. "How about we have a lecture on Shakespeare?"

Once again, it was a unanimous agreement.

"Alright, then, let's see what I can pull out of the school's computer…" Yagari sat down and began typing. In a matter of seconds, he had some heavy duty information he could easily give a lecture on.

Aido raised his hand high, and Yagari glanced up at him. "Yes?"

"So… we're _not _going to need to use me as a demonstration?"

Aido's first note on the lecture went as such: Being hit in the face with a book hurts.

Analesia laughed when the textbook smacked Aido in the face, but she was frustrated that another attempt had been foiled. However, it was grating on him, so a few more tries were definitely in order.

She turned and walked down the hall towards the library where Zero sat on the floor, scenting notes with perfume and flowers.

"Zero, save those for later. We're done for tonight."

Zero grinned and nodded. "Okay. What's next?"

Analesia smirked. "I'm glad you asked."


	3. Steal His Lighters

**A\N: Whew! Another chapter... this one's a tad shorter than the others... but I had to post SOMETHING. I was hoping this chapter would get my brain going... we'll see. ^^ Remember, this is an art trade story, so this chapter may be revised. If you really like this version, save this chapter to your desktop or something. ^^**

**_Mentions:_ Demonic Angel 7, xmxoxoxnxy, Aniwolfgirl, fluffybunny39, Alliana2312, and lead! Thank you for the reviews! ^^  
**

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Yagari blew his bangs out of his eyes, sitting down on the front porch and letting out a long sigh. Today had been… odd enough, what with the ding-dong ditching and the weird notes and… oh, lord, those flowers.

Yup, it was definitely time for a cigarette.

He pulled the pack from his jacket and plucked one up, pushing it into his mouth and going for his lighter.

_Weird. I usually keep it in the pocket that has the cigs…_

Frowning, he stood up, searching his pants pockets and shedding his coat. He patted down his shirt, but still no lighter. Grumbling to himself, he walked into the house, going over to the kitchen drawer and opening it up.

"What?" He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and slammed it down on the table, searching through the jumbled contents of the drawer. "I always keep at least three lighters in here!" He shut the drawer and walked into the living room, crouching down and opening the cabinet beneath the coffee table. Analesia had given him some candles and smelly stuff for Christmas the year before... lighters were with candles, right?

He tore that cabinet apart—along with the rest of the living room—but still not a single lighter showed up.

"This is ridiculous!" He slammed his hand against his forehead, letting out a shout of frustration. He always had a spare lighter—always. Somewhere, somehow, someway, he always had a spare.

_I wonder if this has anything to do with those notes… _

He stopped suddenly, an idea entering his mind. What about matches? Just because his lighters were missing didn't mean he couldn't smoke!

Wasting no time at all, he ran up the stairs to the bathroom and started rummaging through the drawers, knowing he had matches in here _somewhere_. A hairbrush, a comb, toothpaste, toothpicks, dental floss, a lint roller—where did that come from?—a few photos, a crossword puzzle book, shaving cream… no matches. No lighters. No _anything_.

"Dangit!" He straightened up with a huff, slamming the drawer shut and rubbing his temple. He seriously needed to smoke. He needed it yesterday, too. "Okay, if whoever stole my stuff is still in the house, I want you to know right now that this is not funny. And I have a gun."

He words were only half0-hearted, since he figured he was alone, and so he stood in silence for several moments more, trying hard to think of something—anything—he could use to light up.

Sure, he could have gone and bought another one, but it was late and he really didn't want to go shopping. The same applied to borrowing one. He lived a good fifteen twenty minutes away from the school, and he really didn't want to walk all the way over and all the way back. It just wasn't worth it.

_Hmm… there's one more place I could try._

Yagari left the bathroom and half jogged, half ran down the hall, heading down a staircase into his basement.

_I know I have some flint in the old survival kits they used to hand out at the Association… Whoever was in here couldn't have known about those, right?_

Yagari bounded down the steps five or so at a time and threw on the lightswitch, running over to the closet. He threw the rickety doors open and knelt down, grabbing one of the emergency packs and tearing it open, dumping the contents on the floor and sifted through it, looking for any sort of fire source. Really, anything at this point would do.

_I swear… when I find out who's causing all of these problems… I am going to kill them._

* * *

Yagari's eyes fluttered open, and he found himself staring up at a pasty gray ceiling. He sat up slowly, muscles screaming in protest at a long night sleeping on the floor.

"What… happened?"

He shook his head slowly, looking around for a few moments before everything came back to him.

He had spent the entire night tearing his house to shreds in a desperate attempt to find a lighter, matches, flint and steel, butane, propane, anything he could possibly find that had any chance of lighting a cigarette for him. Of course, he had been unsuccessful, and sometime around… two, was it? He recalled getting dizzy. Shortly after that, he must have passed out here in the basement.

Groaning, he pulled himself to his feet and started up the stairs, every footstep thundering through the room, making the handrail rattle.

He continued up the steps and then made his way to the kitchen, at that moment wanting nothing more than a cup of coffee. Well, except, of course, a cigarette, but that obviously wasn't going to happen for a while.

He filled his cup to the brim with black coffee, taking several swigs and then standing there for a moment, exhaling slowly. He was so sore… and so tired. He turned around to sit at the table and give his legs a break.

Toga Yagari froze on the spot.

There, on the table, spelling the big, obnoxious word 'gotcha' were at least thirty or more lighters, match packs, and spark rocks.

He didn't even have time to think about where they had come from or the word they spelled. He needed a cigarette. Now.

He snatched a lighter up and reached into his jacket pocket, feeling around for his cigarettes. They weren't there…

_Oh! That's right, I left them on the porch._

He stepped out onto the front porch and looked at the seat he had occupied the night before. But… his cigarettes were nowhere to be seen.

For quite some time after that, a frustrated scream echoed through the air.


	4. Mess with the Classroom

**A\N: AHHH! I am SO SORRY this took so long! It's been really hard to write lately-especially because the manga is turning out so horrible. I can't wait until it's over... *dies* Ugh, anyways! I hope you enjoy! Mentions will probably be in the chapter after the next! ^^**

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Aido Hanabusa was confused when he got the note under his door.

A note telling him to do several weird things to the classroom right before Toga Yagari taught. At first he thought perhaps it was Kaname trying to find out if he was the reason Yagari was angrier than usual, but the handwriting didn't match up. It wasn't signed, either—heck, it hadn't even been in an envelope. He really didn't know what to do with it.

Ah, but Aido was a child at heart, and any excuse to cause problems was a good thing in his mind. A chance to cause problems for a _hunter _was even better. It wouldn't hurt, right? It was all harmless stuff. Stuff to laugh at years down the road.

He chuckled evilly.

_Mostly, anyways._

* * *

Yagari was on edge. The past three days had been incredibly strange, and he still had no idea who had made it their life's ambition to drive him insane. Tonight, he was expecting the worst, but these things couldn't really be prepared for. So even though he was ready, he wasn't ready. Sort of.

It was complicated.

The hunter took a deep breath, adjusted his hat, put his hand on the doorknob and—

_Huh…?  
_The door to the classroom was locked.

Sighing, he knocked on the heavy wooden door. "Open up!"

There was silence in the hall. No noise came from inside the room. The doors didn't unlock.

Yagari pinched the bridge of his nose, digging around in his pocket and trying to find his keys. They weren't in his front pockets, so he checked the back ones. Then he checked his shirt pockets. Then he checked his jacket pockets, but they weren't there, either.

To say he was unsurprised would be the understatement of the century.

Growling under his breath, he raised his fist and pounded on the door, ignoring the fact that the wood was starting to splinter around the hinges.

"I know _somebody's _in there, and if you don't open this door I am going to—"

Click.

The door swung inward gently, and Yagari blew his bangs out of his eyes, trying to channel his anger away from his fists in case he punched someone or something or everyone and everything.

"Thank you," he muttered.

He walked into the classroom and over to his desk, trying to work out the stiffness out of his neck and shoulders. Turning to the class he spoke brusquely and lowly. "I am not in a good mood. Don't irritate me. Asking questions is not advised. Pay attention."

Turning to the chalkboard, he picked up a piece of—

Yagari stopped, realizing the chalk wasn't on the board like it usually was. Frowning, he opened the top drawer of his desk, visibly twitching when he saw it was empty. That meant his pencils were gone, too. And most of his notes. And two packs of cigarettes. And a lighter. And quite a few bullets.

"Yagari-sensei…?"

Yagari raised a shaking hand to his face, grabbing the bridge of his nose and squeezing hard. Turning slightly, he raised his other fist and plunged it into the chalkboard, bits of slate falling to the floor.

"Um… Yagari-sensei? Are you alright?"

Yagari raised his head slowly, glaring at the vampire who was speaking. The young man shut his mouth and slid a little deeper into his chair. His eyes travelled over the students, taking in each and every vampire.

Hanabusa Aido was snickering.

"Aido."

The young noble's head snapped up, his eyes wide. Yagari grit his teeth, pulling his arm out of the wall.

"Do you have… any idea what's going on here?" the hunter questioned.

"Who me?" Aido twiddled his thumbs, glancing up at the ceiling. "No, I have no idea."

Kaname raised an eyebrow. "Aido… you haven't been misbehaving, have you?"

"N-no, Kaname-sama!"

Yagari noticed his change in tone. Did the pureblood have something to do with this? Or was he just surprised the vampire was even interested in something so seemingly childish?

Kaname narrowed his eyes. Yagari crossed his arms over his chest.  
"You know, lying to me is one thing. But lying to a pureblood is just stupid."

Aido sank down in his chair. "I… uh…" His face got bright red, and he suddenly held up a piece of paper. "I got this under my door! I don't know who it was from! It just sounded fun!" He covered his head as Kaname and Yagari's auras of death increased tenfold.

"Please don't kill me…"

Yagari snatched up the note and read it silently, visibly shaking with anger.

_Who the heck is this person? And why do they have such a problem with me?_

He took in the handwriting, finding it somewhat familiar.

_I'll have to do some analysis, but it looks like Zero's. Why would he…? Augh. It's too late at night to be thinking about this._

Sighing, he started for the door, shoving the note into his pocket. "I can't teach a class without supplies, and I something more important has come up. You're all dismissed." He stepped out of the classroom, hearing a quick exchange of words before the door closed.

"Aido, I will see you in my dorm in exactly one hour."

"Yes, Kaname-sama…"

Yagari pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit the end, taking a long drag to calm his nerves.

_I have to find out who's doing this and then stop them before I lose my mind!_

He tapped his chin, pursing his lips as his train of thought continued.

_Hmm… Lesia works with books… I bet she's seen everyone's handwriting. Maybe she can help?_

At this point, anything was worth a shot.

Yagari started walking towards the library.

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**A\N: Next chapter is actually a quick side-drabble between Aido and Kaname. Then we get back to the main story XD  
**


	5. Side Drabble

Aido buried his hands in his pockets, trying to hide the fact that they were shaking. He swallowed hard, clenching his teeth to keep them from chattering.

_It was just a little harmless fun! Kaname-sama can't be that mad with me, r-right?_

He walked up to the polished mahogany double doors, chewing on his upper lip.

_Here goes nothing…_

Taking a deep breath, he took hold of the door handle and swung it open, stepping into the pureblood's quarters.

"K-Kaname-s-sama?" he stuttered.

"Yes, come in."

Aido shut the door behind him, effectively trapping himself in the room, and walked over to Kaname's desk, hiding his hands behind his back.

"Y-you wanted to see m-me?"

Kaname glanced up from his papers. "Yes. It's about your behavior in class this evening."

Aido winced, tensing up. _Oh boy, here it comes… _He braced himself for the slap, his arms as stiff as boards at his sides, gripping his pantlegs.

The pureblood lord slowly extended a hand, holding it out with his palm upright and facing Aido.

"Up top."

Aido blinked a few times, utterly confused. And then he realized what Kaname was doing.

"Oh! Y-yes!" He quickly high-fived the pureblood, and Kaname instantly returned to his papers.

"That is all. See yourself to the door."

Aido bowed and then turned and ran out, giggling like a schoolgirl.

_I am never washing this hand again!_

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**A\N: I couldn't resist. XD Next chapter, we return to our regularly schedules torment of Yagari Toga. **


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